HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE A DOG DEVOTEE
- People say to you that in their next life, they want to come back as your dog.
- If you have a tattoo, it's probably of a dog or something that symbolizes your dog like a rose tattoo for Rosie.
- Even though people keep giving you gifts of books and movies about dogs, you never read or watch them because you can't risk seeing a dog harmed, die naturally or God forbid, a dog killed, so you have to donate the three copies you have of "Marley and Me" to a women's shelter book drive.
- You don't have a coffee table because it gets in the way of playing Couch Ball, one of the many inside games your dog has invented to play with you when you're watching TV.
- When "sometimes you want to go where everyone knows your name and they're always glad you came," you're talking about the dog store where you buy dog food and supplies
- Your house looks like a dog museum with dog art and images everywhere with many special rooms for various collections separated by baby gates that no one else but you can figure out how to open because they’re all different
- Even when you're not at home, you get nervous when it starts to thunder because your dogs do.
- Your computer passwords are your past and present dog names with the dates of when they were born or died and you think you're so clever because no hacker will ever figure them out but you forget that having your homepage feature a picture of that dog might be a clue to someone.
- You spend hours just looking at your dog and have a special song that you sing to only them and sometimes it contains words like "If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right" and sometimes it's the silliest secret song that you made up and are embarrassed when you start singing it when other people are around who, up until that moment, thought you were cool.
- Your dog has a meaningful middle name and your last name or a hyphenated last name if you have a partner who shares the dog with you.
- You often wish your dog could go everywhere with you and even though you never travel because you can't leave your dog alone for more than a day, you think about living in a country like Ireland because you heard they let dogs in restaurants and stores.
- You hate Walt Disney for killing Old Yeller and that Phoebe's (from Friends) mother was so smart for always turning off the Disney animal movies before they ended so Phoebe didn't have to be traumatized by seeing the loving animals killed at the end of every movie.
- When you think about hemp, you think about dog collars and toys and not about getting high.
- You get up from a conversation with a human to attend to a "silent" request from your dog.
- You don't need a costume to look like your dog or have them look like you.
- You hope that you never have to pick between your partner and your dog.
